I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
