Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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