I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
