$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
