No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
