i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
