I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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