apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
