barbara walters just said penis...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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