Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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