I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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