There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Text me some of your sweat
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize