Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she peed on how many people?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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