You're completely useless in the revolution.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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