my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
