if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
