Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
