she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
