Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
