I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
