i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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