didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
