The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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