I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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