the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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