Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
