Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize