So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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