he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
