Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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