Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im holly from the hills drunk
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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