Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
