don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
