I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
