The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
