Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
