My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
