matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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