Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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