yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize