never play flip cup with pint glasses
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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