So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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