I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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