I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
