My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
