at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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