A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
