If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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