If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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