I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
