By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize