Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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