the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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