i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
