paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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