Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
