why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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