Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
