Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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