what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
