kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
