Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
