So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
